Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
6:36 pm
Fri October 4, 2013

Limericks

Originally published on Sat October 5, 2013 11:04 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-88-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. You can find out there about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first ever show in Cincinnati, Ohio on October 24th and in Elkhart, Indiana on November 21. Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JUSTIN: Hi, Peter. This is Justin.

SAGAL: Hey, Justin, how are you?

JUSTIN: I'm doing great.

SAGAL: Justin, where are you calling from?

JUSTIN: I'm calling from Tifton, Georgia.

SAGAL: Tifton, Georgia. I don't know where Tifton might be.

JUSTIN: Tifton is about an hour south of Macon.

SAGAL: OK. You're not helping a lot, but we'll just go with it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What do you do there?

CHARLIE PIERCE: Gee, thanks.

JUSTIN: I teach agriculture.

SAGAL: You teach agriculture?

JUSTIN: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Now, I've always wondered about this because I've always thought of farming as something you learn in the land as an apprentice to your father who farmed before you or whatever. So when you teach agriculture in a university, what do you teach?

JUSTIN: I teach soils and fertilizers. And we've got to fertilize the soil so we can grow crops.

SAGAL: So it's like chemistry class but with dirt.

JUSTIN: Absolutely.

SAGAL: There you go. Well, welcome to the show, Justin. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

JUSTIN: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: At 10 Downing Street there is a spat, Twixt a feline and top bureaucrat. Britain's prime minister looks pretty sinister. Cameron hates Larry the...

JUSTIN: Cat.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The UK is roiling after revelations that - and I hope you're sitting down - British Prime Minister David Cameron may not like his cat known as Larry the Cat. A new book claims the cat is a publicity prop, while Downing Street says that's a purrr-fidious lie.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Whatever's going on, it's worth noting that here in the US, the president is in a disagreement that a shutdown of the government, and might destroy the world's economy, across the pond, their leader is in a disagreement that might at worst get a couch peed on.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Someone told him that if he has a cat they're going to like him? Usually British men petting cats are evil.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: When I come home, mom's feelings get hurt 'cause I put her in charge of my dirt. But I gave her some hope 'cause my clothes contain soap. I just got a self-cleaning...

JUSTIN: One more time, please.

SAGAL: Let's hear it again.

KASELL: When I come home, mom's feelings get hurt 'cause I put her in charge of my dirt. But I gave her some hope 'cause my clothes contain soap. I just got a self-cleaning...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it rhymes with hurt, dirt...

JUSTIN: ...and dirt.

SAGAL: Yes. Clothes.

JOBRANI: It's self cleaning.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: How about shirt?

JUSTIN: How about shirt?

SAGAL: How about shirt? Tide...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How about shirt? Tide detergent has developed the world's first self-cleaning T-shirt. The shirts are infused with a special washing powder that breaks down stains. Amazingly, the men's version of the shirt even smells its own pits to see if it itself really needs to wash itself...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...or if it can probably go outside just like it is, you know, no one can tell.

PIERCE: Does that mean that, like, there's soap on the - when you're wearing it?

SAGAL: Yeah, it just kind of self washes while you...

PIERCE: What happens if it rains? Do you bubble?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick. If you get this one right you still win so here we go.

KASELL: Is a dolphin's IQ off the chart? Even sheep can tell faces apart. And the thing with the clicks is a quaint parlor trick. Nah, dolphins aren't really that...

JUSTIN: ...smart.

SAGAL: Indeed, smart.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: TV shows such as "Flipper" and "Dr. Quinn Medicine Dolphin" have led us to believe dolphins are intelligent. But according to new research, they're actually kind of dumb. The stuff they do, it turns out, a lot of other animals can do. So look for tourists to start paying good money to swim with, say, eels.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The misconception they were smart comes from their high scores on the SAT, back when the test was math, verbal, and balancing stuff on your face.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Are you sure? Are you sure this isn't someone just jealous of dolphins who are trying to give them a bad name?

JOBRANI: Yes. Yes, it's a cabal of tuna scientists.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, it's actually an interesting story. Apparently back in, like, the 1960s there was this very prominent study that came out and said dolphins are amazing and they do all these social things that only higher animals like humans can do, so they must be just as smart as we are. And it turns out that a lot of other animals can do the same kind of social organization and language and communication that dolphins do. For example, chickens. And chickens have the advantage over dolphins, they taste delicious.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Justin do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, he had two correct answers, Peter, so he's a winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Justin.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, done. Thanks for playing. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.