Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
7:19 pm
Fri May 16, 2014

Limericks

Originally published on Mon May 19, 2014 9:37 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the "contact us" link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill., and our upcoming show at Red Rocks Amphitheatre in Colorado, July 10th. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME!

CORINNE: Hi, Peter. This is Corinne (ph) from Lacrosse, Wis.

SAGAL: Hey, Lacrosse. I've been to Lacrosse. Home of the world's largest six-pack.

CORINNE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Is it still there? Yeah.

CORINNE: Is Carl there?

SAGAL: Well, hold on, let me check.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, yes. Carl's right here.

CARL KASELL: Right here.

CORINNE: I adore you, Carl Kasell.

(APPLAUSE)

KASELL: I love you.

(LAUGHTER)

CORINNE: Now, I'm not breathing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Corinne, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell, the man himself, is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Here is your first limerick.

KASELL: Feeding rye grains to pigs isn't risky. At worse, they'll feel giddy and frisky. Our final intent is porcine ferment, and pig meat that's flavored like...

CORINNE: Whiskey?

SAGAL: Whiskey, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Great news for alcoholics on the Atkins diet. Templeton Wine Distillery, in Iowa, is attempting to raise the world's first whiskey flavored pigs. This sounds crazy, but it was actually the pigs' idea.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, seriously, another shot will make me taste great.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: At the apex, I live life most fully, made a wedgy machine with a pulley. Hand out nuggies and swirlies, call names worse than girly. It's wonderful being a...

CORINNE: A bully.

SAGAL: A bully, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new study from the National Academy of Sciences reveals that being a bully during childhood correlates to a lifetime of happiness, success and vibrant health.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's true. All those atomic wedgies do wonders for upper-arm strength, and stealing lunches mean bullies get all their food groups.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: How did they conduct such a study?

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: I think they were bullied into those results.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: No. But I mean, how do you, how do you - that's ridiculous.

SAGAL: They did a longitudinal study. You follow people over their lives; and people who exhibited certain kinds of behavior tend, they correlate, to having healthier, happier, longer lives.

POUNDSTONE: Wait a minute. Who - all right, so how did they find the bullies, to begin with?

SAGAL: I believe they probably quizzed them on their behavior.

POUNDSTONE: Uh-huh. So like, when you get sent to the office in elementary school, you have to go talk to the people doing the study?

SAGAL: They're hanging out there. They've been waiting for you.

POUNDSTONE: You know, we're going to call your parents, and these people are going to follow you for the rest of your life.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: There ought to be men's fashion courts to handle revealing reports. Our inseam now cinches to less than 5 inches. That's too much thigh shown by men's...

CORINNE: Shorts.

SAGAL: Shorts, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Wall Street Journal, the daily diary of American pants...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Broke the story this week that men's shorts are getting shorter.

ROCCA: It's very interesting. And this isn't funny, but it's true. The study shows that if you have, like, a really bad midsection - like a belly- you should wear shorter shorts to basically distract from that.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Like, if your belly's just hanging out all over, you should wear, like, tiny, little, short shorts.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: No. No, you shouldn't.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Corinne do on our quiz?

KASELL: Corinne, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or home answering machine.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done.

ROBERTS: All right.

CORINNE: Thank you. Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks, Corinne, and congratulations.

CORINNE: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.