In Pennsylvania, almost 40% of women and 30% of men will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes. For those experiencing domestic violence, the holiday season can be a period of fear and increased abuse. Research has shown that rates of domestic violence actually rise during the holidays: Spending extra time at home, drinking alcohol and spending on gifts can all increase strain in relationships.
90.5 WESA’s Priyanka Tewari spoke with Nicole Molinaro, president and CEO of the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, about the center’s history and how people experiencing domestic violence can get help.
Priyanka Tewari: What drew you to the organization in the first place and the role of president?
Nicole Molinaro: I've been involved with Women's Center & Shelter for about half of my life. I started as a volunteer, and I was drawn to it because I had a very close friend who was in an abusive marriage. [She], thankfully, is out now, but at that point I really just gained a passion for learning more and for being able to help. And so, 25 years later, here I am.
Is it true that the Women's Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh was actually one of the first shelters for women experiencing domestic violence in the country?
We are so proud that we are one of the first six “battered women’s shelters” in the country. And we all just celebrated our 50th anniversary this year. And our founders, Ellen Berliner and Anne Steytler, really just came together back in the early 1970s to give women a place to gather and do arts and crafts and quilting.
And what they found at the time is that 40% of the women who were coming to do crafting and quilting actually needed a safe place to stay.
And so, you know, with the backdrop of the Civil Rights Movement and the women's movement, they decided to take action. And what started as a storefront that had a couple of cots and cribs and beds has now turned into an organization that serves over 7,500 adult and child survivors every year.
I feel like the center marking its 50th anniversary this year must be a little bittersweet. You would hope that the problem wouldn't have grown, but there's even more need for it now.
Nicole Molinaro: Unfortunately, there is. We thought we were heading in a really good direction. And then the pandemic struck. And domestic violence has actually been called a shadow pandemic.
If you think back to the early days of the pandemic, nothing was really in our control. And if you are somebody who uses power and control within a relationship and you feel like you don't have any control externally, it makes sense that you would probably try to double down on the control against your partner.
I [recently heard] someone describe the reason for men being abusive as “a means to damage a person to such an extent that it becomes difficult for the abused to leave and for anyone else to step in to repair that damage.” What would you say to that?
Nicole Molinaro: I think that’s a very good quote about it. It is extremely complex, but if we were to boil it down just to a brief explanation, we do see with the use of power and control in relationships some patterns. That includes, for instance, self-esteem decreasing for the victim or survivor over time. We [also] see the situations get worse and more and more dangerous.
Even though our name is Women's Center & Shelter, certainly we serve all survivors of domestic violence, regardless of gender identity or any other factor. And why anybody stays in a domestic violence relationship is very complex and there are a lot of very valid reasons, including that they love the person and they want the behavior to change. But they don't want the person to actually not be in their lives. And fear is the other main component. We have so many folks that we serve who have had serious threats against their lives, including many death threats,
And then 99% of those experiencing domestic violence across the country are also experiencing financial abuse, which makes it so hard to stop your life and then start over trying to live a life free from violence.
If someone listening today is experiencing domestic violence or knows someone who is, what can they do?
Wherever your listeners are, there is a domestic violence program. Women's Center & Shelter specifically serves the city of Pittsburgh and Allegheny County. As our name indicates, we do have an emergency shelter, but actually only 3% of our 7,500 clients need shelter. So there are a lot of folks who think, I can't leave an abusive relationship because I don't want to go into shelter. In reality, it’s only folks who are literally fleeing for their lives who may need to go into shelter.
Whether you're trying to just figure out if you're in an abusive relationship or whether you are literally running for your life, or anywhere in between, we have programs and we have staff who offer help and hope.
When you and your staff support people who are victims of domestic violence, how do you keep from being personally affected by it?
Oh, you can't be. Our staff are deeply impacted by the work that we do. It’s very difficult to sit beside somebody and hold their hand as they take whatever their next step is in life.
So we really understand vicarious traumatization. It happens all the time. Burnout is a huge risk. And so what we do is we follow the sanctuary model, which is a model to provide trauma-informed care to our clients that very much involves how staff are treated and treat one another.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can reach the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh through their website, by calling their hotline at 412-687-8005 or by downloading the Bright Sky app.
